How to be a goddess without coming across as a high maintenance arrogant b*tch 💕

Hello, goddess and welcome to episode number five of The dating for the Romantic Goddess. In today's episode, we are going to talk about how to be a goddess without coming across as high maintenance or arrogant or as a self-centred bitch.

The reason I chose this theme is because one of you asked me this question, and I thought it would make such a good episode because I've noticed that most of my clients have this fear that they don't want to come across as a bitch because we have been domesticated and primed and conditioned to be the good girl, so we fear that if we are not the good girl, then we are not going to get what we want.

And when I say “we”, I used to be this girl as well, so I get where you're coming from because I used to think the same thing. The problem with being the good girl is that there is a very fine line between being a good girl and being a doormat.

I rather you be a bitch when you are dating than you be a doormat because even when in your head you think that you are being a total bitch

you probably won’t even be close to one, and you’ll still be closer to the doormat line because of the way that you were brought up and conditioned to be nice, to be the good girl.

The thing is that this is not what I am here for.

I'm not here to teach you how to be a bitch.

I'm here to teach you how to be a goddess, and the goddess loves herself.

You see, the goddess is not a bitch and loving yourself and putting yourself first is not being self-centred, and it's not being a bitch.

It's just being a normal human being.

You are supposed to love yourself, and you are supposed to put yourself first because if you do not put yourself first, then nobody is going to put you first.

You might have been brought up by parents who didn't meet your needs, and you might have been brought up to believe that your needs don't matter and that your needs come last and that you are supposed to meet everybody else's needs before you meet your own.

And I'm here to tell you that this is wrong, this is false, and that is just not the way.

Imagine what happens if you do the opposite,

Suppose you don't take care of yourself. You are out on dates with men. They don't know you; they are not in love with you. Not yet.

( you will be able to be nice. You will be able to be nice to each other once he has fallen in love with you and you are in a relationship, and you become serious, but not before you make an emotional connection; you cannot be nice to him.)

When he's a stranger, you need to lean back and allow him to show you who he is before you start being nice to him.

Before they make an emotional connection, they're not going to put you first.

You must put yourself first, and then they will mirror your behaviour, and then they will take care of you.

But if you go on dates from an energy of your date comes first, 1st of all, this is not feminine energy; it's masculine energy. So you're not on your goddessy energy.

Second of all, it's not self-loving, putting others first. It puts you into the doormat category.

Then you are not in the self-loving energy.

You are not in the goddess energy.

And the third is just plain dangerous that you are putting the needs of a stranger that you just five minutes ago rather than your own.

Or even if you are in the online dating world and you're putting men's needs first, then you're putting the needs of 100% strangers you haven't even met yet before your own.

Another thing that happens when you take care of his needs first before your own is that you're doing his job, and therefore you are robbing him of the opportunity to show you his masculine energy.

You are robbing him of the opportunity to show you how much he likes you.

You are robbing him of the opportunity to be chivalrous.

You are robbing him of the opportunity of taking care of you

And more reasons just keep popping into my head even though I didn't write them down; I now feel the strong urge also to tell you that if you are taking care of his needs first, it puts you into the mummy category.

You are treating him like his mom did or as his mom would, and this is not going to create polarisation because, obviously, his mom's energy is masculine energy. Still, it's also it's going to kill the attraction.

He's not going to feel attracted to you if you do that because no man feels attracted to his mom.

When a man goes on a date, he wants to feel like a man. And if you take care of him, then he will feel like a little boy.

Another reason not to be nice when you are out on dates is that when you have the need for a strong urge to be nice, you're probably in people-pleasing mode, and this is a trauma response. You're probably unaware

that you are doing it, and you think that you're being nice, but your energy is not coming across as nice. You're coming across as manipulative because people who are people pleasers is just a way that you are manipulating the other person into believing that you are nice so that you can get your needs met because you were brought up to believe that you have to be the nice girl in order to get your basic needs met.

So this was a trauma response that you created in your childhood, and if you are unaware of it right now, you are still doing it and not even realising that you are doing it.

So you need to become aware of your people-pleasing ways in order to become aware of your behaviour, modify it and ask yourself why are you trying to be so nice to this stranger, right?

What's the energy? What needs of yours are not being met right now that you feel this person needs to meet for you?

If you do a little digging into the energy behind your behaviour, you will discover that the reason behind it, energy, is not going to be a really nice reasons.

One of the reasons could be you are trying to be nice so that he likes you. And the reason behind it might be because you don't like yourself.

So then you need to start working on liking yourself more

Another reason might be you're trying to get him to love you because you don't love yourself.

So you need to work on loving yourself and falling in love with yourself.

You might be trying to be nice to the person because you want him to treat you really well.

But as I already mentioned, this is not going to work. It's going to backfire the way you get to treat yourself really well is by you treating yourself really well, and then he will mirror your behaviour if he likes you.

And then, if he doesn't, it means he doesn't like you; you need to like and love yourself enough to walk away when he doesn't treat you well.

It's not for you to convince him that he needs to treat you well.

We are not here to teach people how to behave well or how to like us, how to love us.

We take it or we leave it because we love ourselves.

So, in other words, we are not going to manipulate the guy into loving us.

We are not going to manipulate the guy into liking us, into falling in love with us, into being attracted to us.

He's either going to like us or not.

He’s either going to be attracted to us or not.

And the best way that you can allow that to happen is by you loving yourself a lot and being a bitch, basically being exactly what you don't want to come across as because that is the way that you are going to be authentic because you are going to be taking care of yourself without being manipulative, without people pleasing, without caring. If he likes you or not, then he will feel attracted to you because he doesn't feel any control coming from you.

He doesn't feel any manipulation.

He doesn't feel like you're trying to get him to do something that he doesn't like.

Men hate to feel that we are manipulating them, and men hate to feel that we're trying to control them, manipulating them.

So when you are people-pleasing, the energy that he gets from you is manipulative energy.

When you stop being a people pleaser and you stop being nice, you will not come across as self-centred; you will come across as authentic.

You will come across as the goddess.

Another way that we try to be nice is when we don't say no, and that belongs to the Boundaries category. You must have boundaries.

When you have boundaries, strong boundaries, you come across as high value. You do not; you do not come across as a bitch.

So don't be afraid of having boundaries, and don't be afraid of saying no, ladies.

I could be here all day telling you reasons why you shouldn't be nice. This is why I created the love school, my membership group, which you are welcome to join. If you want to learn more about this, I will give you one more, which I think it's very important.

There's another reason why you shouldn't be nice. It's because men don't think like us.

If you are nice to the guy that you don't know, he will not think. Oh, she's nice.

No.

He will think:

Oh, she likes me. So, because she already likes me, I don't need to work hard to get her, and then he will automatically assume that you are already attracted to him, that you already like him, And he doesn't need to do anything to get you. So he will not treat you like a goddess.

It's very important that we keep remembering that men don't think like us. They are not wired the same way as us. In fact, if you're nice to him, he will think that you are easy, and if he thinks that you are easy, that will kill the attraction.

Remember that to be in your goddess energy is to be in your lean-back, feminine energy. So you cannot be in your doing energy, trying to take care of him, trying to please him, trying to be nice to him, trying to do anything.

On the contrary, you need to stop trying, lean back, stop doing anything and just be happy with yourself; just be happy being yourself, be happy, loving yourself, and he will act accordingly by mirroring your behaviour on how you are taking care of yourself, how you're treating yourself, how you are being self-loving. He will mirror that behaviour back to you.

And then, of course, this is not an exact science.

Some guys will not mirror this behaviour because they are not that into you.

Then you need to love yourself enough to walk away from this type of man.

Instead of trying to be nice to them, for them to like you back, you need to stop doing that and choose yourself, like yourself, love yourself first and walk away from this man that showed you no interest, that showed you that he’s not putting in the effort for you.

These men make your job easy and make your search easy because they are telling you really loudly they are not into you, and this is a magic piece of information because if they are not into you, it means they are not your guy.

So you just walk away, move on and keep dating others until Mr Right comes along, and when Mr Right comes, you'll know because he will be trying to please you. He will be really nice to you.

He will be taking care of you.

He loves the way that you treat yourself, and he will eventually fall in love with you, and he will not do this because you're being nice to him.

He will fall for you with your authentic self, and he will like you and love you just the way you are because you are being your true, authentic self with him.

So my love, stop being afraid of coming across as anything negative because when you are loving yourself and when you are living the goddess way, you have absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain 💕